


Coin Flip Compass

by KatnapKradle



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder mention, Family Relationships - Freeform, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Morally Grey Characters, Reconciliation, ask to tag, believe it or not, i just want them to talk okay :<, this actually ISN'T chapter 105 cope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-28 23:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30147333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatnapKradle/pseuds/KatnapKradle
Summary: The definition of "Kindness" is such a broad thing. Love is no exception.
Relationships: Arisuin Mikuni & Jeje | Doubt Doubt, Arisuin Mikuni & Snow Lily | All of Love, Jeje | Doubt Doubt & Snow Lily | All of Love
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Coin Flip Compass

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Okay brain, time to finish the thing for Youtarou’s birthday!  
> Brain: No. Mikuni, Jeje, and Lily. Write about it.  
> Me: 8’D _Okay!_
> 
> And so I did.

Lily _worries_ about them. About his third eldest brother, and the man he helped raise. He can clearly see that they aren’t... _Good_ for each other. Or at least, not good for each other in the way he thinks they both deserve.

But they are both adults, he reminds himself, over and over again, and there isn’t much he can do aside from be as supportive as they will allow. 

Which... Isn’t much. 

So color him surprised when, one day, without warning, fanfare, or seemingly any reason, Jeje calls him out to meet for coffee of all things, at one of Lily’s favorite cafes of all places.

 _Just_ them.

Something is definitely up, and Lily braces himself for the worst. 

It’s easy to spot him as soon as he walks through the door, muffling a giggle at how out of _place_ the poor man looks, hunched over in the very corner of the table while the staff seem to do their best to avoid looking at him. Occasionally one brave, kind soul stops to ask if he needs anything, and Lily’s heart goes out to them. Jeje always _did_ become a bit more gruff in his speaking when he felt uncomfortable. Taking pity on his brother (and the waitstaff) Lily saunters right on over, and skillfully ignores the way every head turns to follow him. Somehow, Jeje’s posture becomes even more rigid when he sits, though whether it’s because every eye in the house is now staring at their unlikely duo or his fellow Servamp is dreading the coming conversation, he really can’t tell.

Lily puts in his order and waits.

About ten or so minutes of mindless chit chat later (mostly from Lily, as is always the case with them) Jeje confesses that Mikuni pushed him to see a doctor. Lily blinks, cocks his head, delicate brows angled downward because what _possibly_ for?

His brother elaborates that he meant a psychiatrist, snorting into his cup that of the two of them, Mikuni needs a therapist vastly more. Lily shakes his head but doesn’t particularly deny it.

“At this point, we all do... So,” he continues, bringing the rim of his overpriced drink to his lips. Misono will undoubtedly scold him for this later, but he thinks he’s allowed to splurge a little for this rare meeting where neither of them have an Eve nearby and can speak freely. A leisurely sip, savoring the taste, and trying not to let his mind run wild. “Mind explaining why you brought it up? It’s not like you to talk about things just because.”

It’s not like him to allow Mikuni to bully him _that_ thoroughly. Not unless Jeje also felt like something might be wrong.

“... We got the diagnosis.” Jeje shifts in his chair, uncomfortable among all the flowers and faux wrought iron and all the silly, pretty things Lily loves about this particular establishment. Lily hums, urges him to continue.

“I... Have an anxiety disorder.” A beat. “Mikuni’s helping me pay for treatment.”

Once again, there is silence between them, with only the hustle and bustle of other patrons and staff and the sound of life continuing on outdoors to break it. Jeje sinks lower into his chair, a great, hulking tower of black amongst all the pastels.

“... Pardon my language, but...” Lily clears his throat, places one elbow on the table in a way that’s distinctly impolite, and gestures at him with his hand. Beneath his bags, Jeje cracks a faint smile to see his youngest brother dropping that perfect little facade of his for just a moment. “What the _fuck_ , Jeje.”

-And then he chokes on nothing, left wheezing and making strangled noises while Lily only smiles at him, expression unchanging and so much like Mikuni when he's gotten the reaction he wanted that makes his skin crawl, just a bit.

“ _Warn me before you do that._ ”

“I shall not!” The smile he sends over the rim of his cup, some sort of imitation porcelain, is so self satisfied Jeje can feel a headache coming on. “The reaction is half the fun~”

“Should have known you’re… Where he gets his rancid personality from…”

“Je-je!” Lily gasps in mock offense, trying and failing to keep the grin off his face. Despite it all… Jeje feels himself smiling, too.

~~~~~~~~~

"... Jeje. I know you're awake."

The sound of scales sliding against the sheets, and then it's fabric, white and long and so old timey, complete with sleep cap, that the first time he had seen Jeje in his sleep clothes he had laughed himself blue in the face. The mattress dips beside him, half turning his body so that his hip bumps against his Servamp's lower back.

"What... Gave me away?"

"You're always awake when I can't sleep."

He receives a grunt in reply and Mikuni sighs, presses his cheek more firmly into his overly warm pillow. Jeje leans over, quietly pulls the covers up over his Eve's shoulders, and doesn't move when Mikuni takes the bait and grabs hold of his wrist. Amber eyes carrying far too much knowledge, far too much _weight_ for a human a scant twenty-three years old, seek out his. He does not flinch when they find him. Mikuni isn’t sure whether that’s a good thing or not.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"Yes."

" _You don't have to answer so quickly._ "

Mikuni nearly kicks him if not for the fact the covers are tangled around his legs from his tossing and turning, though he does give a token effort. The rare snort of laughter leaves the vampire and Mikuni glowers at him. It does not seem to have any effect.

The sound has become more common lately. ...At least around him.

The paper bags piled precariously atop their bedside lamp look vacantly out into the room, and Jeje's sleep mask rests beneath them. Dimly Mikuni notes that it hasn't been moved at all from where Jeje left it the previous morning. He loathes the way Jeje can read him like a book, predict his sleepless nights and racing thoughts. He _almost_ misses when the immortal's lips part in preparation to speak.

"You're a bad person,” Jeje starts, slow, _gentle_ , and the tone leaves Mikuni feeling off kilter. “But not... Unkind. At least... Not as much as you pretend to be."

The hand shifting his bangs is cool to the touch, and Mikuni turns his face away, unable to stand being looked at so _fondly_ by a man he has done his best to make existence a living hell for. Or at least a very unpleasant purgatory.

"Shut the hell up..."

Beside the mask are Jeje's anxiety medications, little bottles that were hell to get his hands on for someone who technically doesn't exist. He’ll definitely be arrested if he’s caught with them. He finds it harder by the day to care.

"You're the one who asked."

~~~~~~~~

After all is said and done, the danger has passed and people are healing. Lily, back to his old self (and boy was _that_ an ordeal. He could scarcely peel Misono away from himself for weeks on end, and the children? Forget it. As overwhelming as it had all been, though… It still makes him happy to think about) spots Mikuni hanging back and away, all by his lonesome, at Misono’s birthday party. 

All of his Eve’s friends are there, and Misono had expressly gone out and shoved the invitation right in Mikuni’s face. The bewildered look had been priceless, and it took every bit of composure he possessed to not break down into a giggle fit when Misono had all but threatened the elder Alicein into attending. It was the implication that he would distribute Mikuni’s baby photos to a certain group of three that had nearly broken his restraint entirely. 

_Misono has become so ruthless~_

Unlike then, though, when Mikuni had looked like he was about to be ill at the mere thought, the expression on his face is… Lily can only recall that particular smile existing still in photographs and memories, back when Mikuni was much, much younger, before their family fell apart around him and he had had to make a choice no child ever should, even one on the cusp of becoming a man.

He feels such an overwhelming sense of relief and _pride_ at how far his former young master has come.

While everyone else is distracted by party games and cake, Lily sneaks up behind him, leans down to breath in his ear.

“Boo~”

To Mikuni’s credit, and Lily’s never ending disappointment, he does not shriek, though he _does_ find that Mikuni wasn’t quite so alone as he had thought when Jeje nearly takes a bite out of his jaw.

“Hello, Jeje~ I was wondering where you’d gone off to! Turns out you hadn’t gone off at all.”

“What the hell is wrong with you!” Mikuni hisses, eyes narrowed and hand clutched over his pounding heart, “You know better than to sneak up on me! Jeje almost bit you!”

Lily hides a chuckle behind his loosely curled fist, which only seems to infuriate Mikuni more.

“This isn’t-!”

“Doubt Doubt. If you could leave us for a moment?”

The use of his brother’s Servamp name gets both halves of the Envy pair’s attention and Mikuni quiets, becomes wary once more, closed off but curious and… Not afraid. 

But of course he isn’t.

He’s never been afraid of Lily even once in his life.

Once Jeje has safely hidden himself beneath a buffet table (they both snicker as near immediately some of the subclass are attempting to pester him. Yully and Mary are, of course, leading the brigade), Mikuni turns back to him, something tired in the set of his shoulders. Lily does not give him a chance to speak his mind, instead embracing him with all the love and affection he can muster. Mikuni goes as still as a statue beneath his touch. Lily breathes in, smiles to himself at the overly trendy, over zealously applied cologne that would definitely be overwhelming for someone who spends as much time wrapped around Mikuni's shoulders as his elder brother does.

"I'm... _S_ _o proud_ of you, Mikuni... Despite everything… You’ve done so well! I don’t know how much this will mean coming from me, but… It’s alright. You deserve to be happy, too.”

For Mikuni, the lack of an honorific, for the first time since he was a child, hits harder than he thought it would. It was incredible how much _distance_ could be placed into one little word. Mikuni carefully hugs him back and feels the telltale sting of tears, then _sags_ against the other man, a hiccup making his shoulders shake. He buries his face in the Servamp’s shoulder, uncaring as the action dislodges his hat and it falls to the ground, and Lily chuckles, runs his fingers through golden hair. Mikuni bites back something that feels suspiciously like a sob.

"Thanks, Lily... I-I don't know about that last part, but…” A self deprecating laugh. “I'm… I’m _trying_. Thank you for, um... For not giving up on me..." 

The gratitude is so _painfully_ awkward. He’s not used to this. He always has the right words, the right turn of phrase, the knowledge and skill to execute whatever he pleases against whomever he pleases.

He does not have that here.

Instead he feels so fragile, so vulnerable, in a way he has only ever allowed himself to be in the dark, in the dead of night, out in the middle of nowhere where it is only himself and Jeje and perhaps whatever gods are out there, laughing at his own self spun web of lies and pain.

“Shh...” Lily cups his face, thumbs wiping at liquid that has yet to fall, and watches him with such soft, fond eyes. It chases all the dark thoughts away. It makes him want to curl up and cry. “Of _course_ I didn’t give up on you... We’re family. I’ll always love you...” A spark of mischief, recalling an old conversation. “You little brat~”

Mikuni lets out a startled, watery laugh. For once, his words fail him. Instead, he throws his arms around Lily’s neck, embraces him back in truth and simply lets himself enjoy the warmth, the comfort, the familiar perfume and tang of rust and the quiet, ethereal laughter when Lily catches him, rocks him back and forth like a parent with their child.

It’s good to be home.


End file.
